Just over two weeks ago I started this blog and the reception has been unlike anything I imagined. I’ve hit 100 followers and been nominated for two blogging awards. To thank everyone for the support I’ve decided to share something deeply personal about myself as a way of really understanding me. I’ve suffered from anxiety and low self-esteem for the past ten years or so. It’s made it hard for me to meet new people, believe in myself and to form a lasting relationship with someone.
As a society I’ve always thought there was a lot of pressure on guys to act as if we’re strong and can take anything. But the reality is a lot different. I’m currently waiting to see if I’ve passed my masters in Creative Writing, I don’t have a job and sometimes it makes me feel as if I’ve done something wrong and that I’m failing at life. I struggle with my self-esteem every day and it’s a constant fight to feel as if I can make something of myself.
I’ve been knocked down so many times that some days I wonder what is the point of getting back up. Hiding how I feel has become the norm around people because I wonder how they’d react or if they’d judge me. But I’m trying to change that. This year I’ve told myself I’m going to enjoy myself more, take risks, step outside my comfort zone.
Starting this blog was one of those choices because I’ve always loved comics. I love them because they give us a chance to aspire to be something greater. I’m trying to find what makes me really happy and I’m hoping by this time next year I’ll have figured it out.
Sharing this story hasn’t been easy, but starting a conversation about mental health issues never is. From the bottom of my heart I want to thank everyone who has followed, commented, liked or even brushed over my words. Because the written word gives me strength and I don’t want to hide anymore.